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when you fail

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO STRENGTHEN YOUR HEART WHEN YOU FAIL

What happen when you fail? Failure crumples your heart ruthlessly, dragging you to the ground without compassion. It is most painful when you did your best and deserve a win.

Especially in situations where you prepared and readied yourself already for the win but get a disappointing blow of a fail, now you are clueless about what to do except to slump down and cry.

You may have gotten a bad grade after studying all night or did not make the team despite your rigorous hours of practice. Got rejected by the company even after perfecting your CV and your interview. Watched your business of years of hard work crash before your eyes, or even ruined the turkey for thanksgiving now everyone thinks ruined their thanksgiving.

 Failure can spike the heart but the great thing is it cannot destroy the heart.

I agree you have experienced failure, but what you do next after you fail matters the most.

DON’T RECOUNT IT.

A maxim of life states; the more you focus on a thing the more you maximize it.

By all means, you must refrain from recounting any failures you may have experienced. The only reason to recount it is if you are attempting to identify and rectify where the loophole was or what caused the loophole.

Else, just like you do not think about the spoilt bacon you binned the night before, desist from recounting any failures.

when you fail

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET TOWARDS FAILURE.

Your mindset governs a huge part of your life. Your mindset is a contributor to why you reacted to matter-A but ignored matter-B, it is the reason why both matters pulled different weights despite having similar degrees.

Your mindset is a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of the world and yourself. It influences how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation.

Say an incident happens in your workplace,do you notice certain workers blow up over the incident while some others are undisturbed over the same incident?

Someone could be fidgeting and restless over a matter, but upon hearing the issue you might be tempted to say “is that it?”

Psychologist classify into stress distress and eustress, where distress is the negative reaction to stressors while eustress is a positive cognitive interpretation of a stressor. Instead of perceiving failure as a negative and destructive factor, shift your mindset to perceive failure as a means to the end – Interpret it as part of your journey to success, as proof you are doing something, as a stepping stone to heights. 

If there is something to learn from failure, learn this: failure helps you identify one way that’s the wrong way. Now lunge again with a new way.

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THERE IS A BRIGHT SIDE.

I love this quote by one of my favourite teachers- Napolean Hill;

 Every failure, every adversity carries with it an equivalent seed of greatness.

Be encouraged, certain times the only way to attain clarity is if you fail, maximizing the effects of failure helps you discover how you can birth a new thing out of failure. 

RECOUNT YOUR WINS.

Yes, remember your successes and soak yourself in the euphoria of those wins.

Remember when got the promotion, got accepted for the scholarship, landed your biggest business deal, moved into your own space. Remember them, and be encouraged, if it happened before it will definitely happen again. Do not think and accept the contrary.

USE SOCIAL SUPPORT.

Okay I understand you need your space after that blow.  But staying indoors continuously would do more damage.

Step out in the sun, breathe fresh air and eat a good meal. Meet with your friends and family, talk to them, share your burdens with them and watch your shoulders drop down in relief.

The presence of people who love and care for you will heal and strengthen your heart, stand up, go receive love and enjoy it.

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GIFT YOURSELF.

Receiving gifts naturally increases our serotonin level, which is your “happy hormone”.

Because you experienced failure does not mean you are unworthy of a gift. Use this opportunity to buy something you have always wanted and relish the feeling of satisfying your wants, this will help suppress the negative feelings piled up in your heart while strengthening your heart.

YOU DID WHAT YOU COULD.

In most cases, if I ask someone who feels terrible for failing and blame themselves, “how would you have prevented this from happening?” It is most likely they are clueless about what they would have done,  proving that certain things are beyond your power and beating yourself up over something you lack the power to prevent is such a waste.

YOU ARE STILL ABLE.

The occurrence of failure raises the likelihood of doubting one’s capability. You begin to rain down doubts over your mind, dampening your self-confidence. 

I want you to always remember that your capability is hardly affected by external factors. Your self-confidence beams from within, and you are still as able and talented as you were the day before.

EMBRACE DOWN TIMES.

The worst reaction to a stressor is living in denial. Accept what has happened, understand that it was beyond your power and seek to create ways to better the situation. The faster you accept the situation, the faster you move on from the situation.

when you fail

EMPLOY ATTRIBUTION.

Attribution involves pegging an action or behaviour to its possible cause.

Say Jude fails an examination, if he admits he did not study hard then he has implied internal attribution.

On the other hand, if Jude says he studied hard and attributes his poor grade to the lecturer setting questions beyond his course outline, he has implied external attribution.

Note down what you think is the enhancer of the failure, if it’s an internal attribution, then you must take responsibility for your actions and devise ways to ensure it does not occur again.

Else, if an external attribution you should relax your mind convinced it was not your fault.

APPLY THE RULE OF KINDNESS.

First, be kind to thy own self.

Attempting to be hard on yourself worsens the situation. Never have the act of being unreasonably hard on myself helped me. I end up feeling more terrible and enlarging the negativity in my mind.

 If being hard on yourself could solve the problem, it could have solved it by now.

When you experience any form of failure your immediate reaction should be that of kindness to yourself. Love yourself so much that it becomes impossible to be unkind and harsh to yourself despite the extent of the failure. You have you first before anybody has you- treat yourself with kindness.

FORGIVE YOURSELF.

In a situation where you have identified the cause of the failure as yourself, then you must immediately forgive yourself. People work around for several years with guilt and shame piled up in their hearts because they have refused to forgive themselves. If you made a mistake that led to failure, the only right step further is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself today that’s the best thing you can do for yourself starting now.

SEEK THERAPY.

When you notice you are experience recurring self-doubt that affects your performance in your everyday life as well as your peace and stability, it is advisable seek counselling. Get the service of a therapist to help you heal through the challenging phase to prevent it does from giving rise to a larger issue.

CHANGE ENVIRONMENT.

Naturally, when in a dilemma a change of environment is a way out. You don’t have to travel over continents, all you need is to wake up in a town or city that reminds you nothing of the failure. Your state of mind will strengthen after a while and your memory about it will wane, return only when you are certain your state of mind has improved.

when you fail

USE AFFIRMATIONS.

Affirmations are a means to mold your subconscious and your conscious state, If entails repeatedly reciting and believing positive and powerful declarations. Affirmations can strengthen your heart when you fail and also eliminate room for any negative and condemning thoughts.

Try these affirmations.

I am worthy of what I desire.

I can. I will

Day by day, in every way I am getting better and better.

I have what it takes to win.

I am more than my mistakes.

I know the right thing to do and I do it.

I am strong. I am blessed. I am capable.

I am brave. I am courageous. I am bold.

When I fall, I rise higher.

I am resilient and can get through anything.

I am capable of success.

AIM AHEAD.

There is a reason our eyes are in front of our head and not behind it. Look forward and forward only. Your feet point forward for a reason, you are meant to be moving forward no matter what.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

No matter the failure aim to keep going forward, your healing is ahead of you and not behind you. Move!

REMEMBER THAT EVEN THE BEST ONCE FAILED.

Thomas Edison recreated the light bulb 999 times before he got it right. 999 whole times, would you have continued if you were Edison?

Out of 25 candidates who applied for a job position, Jack Ma was the only one who got rejected.

Henry Ford’s first two automobile companies failed.

Oprah Winfrey was fired from an early job as a television news anchor.

 Jerry Seinfeld was booed off stage in his first stand-up comedy appearance.

 Sir James Dyson suffered through 5,126 failed prototypes before he landed on the first working Dyson vacuum.

Add yours to this A-people list.

Do not fret, it is entirely okay for you to experience failure, but what you do after you fail matters more than the failure.

CREATE A PLAN FOR PROGRESS.

Creating a plan helps you stay accountable to your progress.

What steps have you decided to make?

Note them down and stay strictly with them until you begin to see results from your plan of progress. Do not be hasty to abandon or change your plan. With your new learnings, think about what you’ll do differently next time. Create a plan that will help you put the information you gained into practice.

GET A BUDDY.

Your buddy can be a family member or your friend. This person helps you remain accountable to the progress you intend to make. They check in to ensure you are continually progressing, if otherwise help you adjust your plan to be more effective.

DO NOT GROW THE FEAR OF FAILURE.

Experiencing failure might groom the fear of failure in you, but remember that experiencing setbacks should not make you scared of setbacks.

Does a child resist learning to walk when he slumps to the ground on his first trial? No, he continues trying till his legs are firm on the ground.

Apply this logic to failure, failure should challenge you to be resilient over and over again till you stand firm.

Over time, you’ll learn that failure isn’t as bad as you have imagined it to be.

Stand when you fail

Failure has been said to have a psychological impact on your perceived sense of self. More damaging when it becomes recurring. The reason you must fight to destroy the damaging effect failure might have on you. You are not your failure; failure then is an act and not a being.

When failure comes, give it a high five for teaching you something new, then continue ahead to win with resilience, boldness and courage.
when you fail

If you think you can’t, you won’t. If you think you can, you will.

If you’re still struggling to function after you’ve failed, consider seeking professional help. Whether you experienced a failed marriage or you failed in business, talking to a mental health professional can assist you in bouncing back.

Don’t give in to failure; you are more!

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